I wrote this quicly before I could forget so it may have typos and edit issues. I call it Hiding Places.
It was senior high school, and I hated school - not because of the academic requirements, but because of the isolation and humiliation I felt. It was clear I was not welcome by all in public school. The occasional push to the hall floor or the student who refused to drink out of a drinking fountain after me was my evidence. I am surprised I ever graduated.
In the 11th and 12th grades, I think I missed more days of school than I attended, but I had hiding places. During the lunch period, I would hide in the library to escape the embarrassment of eating alone or not finding an empty table. It was safe in the library. I think the librarian liked me and knew I sought refuge amongst the books and carols.
In a carol, I was surrounded. No one could see me, and I could hide from reality in a book. At the end of the lunch period, I would find my way back to my appropriate classroom. It’s funny how I still have dreams of running to the library for safety.
As time went on, I found new hiding places, but these were hiding places with no physical boundaries. I discovered that I could feel safe hiding within my own thoughts of hope. I recall in those last few months of high school writing the date on my papers. As I wrote 4/15/1982, it hit me; I found my hope. I realized that this time in my life was transient. I would soon be free from the shame and rejection of high school.
There was one class in particular where I found my inner hiding place. Because we were seniors in high school, the teacher allowed us to move about the room in the last few minutes of class. I chose to walk to the window and stare out into my future. I understood that the entrapment of the classroom walls were only illusory, and I would one day be free.
I had courage to finish my last high school year and graduated on June 9, 1982. I entered college immediately after.
