Thom

Of course I listen. And always will. Well, the flu is at least self-limiting; the cancer was not - which is the hard part, knowing you can't just rest and it will get better. And your flu will get better. Cancer is not a punishment, and none of the reasons for our cancers are our fault - unlike smokers and lung cancer, for example. And I don't think your body betrayed you. Look at all the wonderful things it has helped you get - Raymond, the boys, educated, etc. That's a better place for one's focus. Cells go crazy sometimes for reasons we don't understand. Who cares? If you must think that way, think of it as being tested. Why? Who knows. But you were tested, and since you still struggle a bit to understand, you are still being tested. So far, however, you are winning and passing the test. Take solace and strength from that and from knowing you are a survivor. Thom

Amy

Thom: I am having one of those moments that maybe only you can understand. It is self pity and anger. I have the flu and no matter how hard I try, my body is winning just as it did with cancer. Despite being past the physical threat of cancer, I still resent my body for betraying me. Perhaps I am a dualist. I have always approached life with patience and forgiveness. But when I got cancer, the fingers were pointed at me. The breast surgeon blamed my cancer on having my first baby after the age of 37, my family blamed me for drinking wine, and my primary physcian blamed the stress in my life. Either way, my body was hacked away and the physical scars left behind to remind me of my mistakes. I am so agnry at my body for betraying me. My spirit, mind, or soul is still strong; thus the dualist in me. If I am a monist, then my body is my enemy and has been rightly punished. Or, perhaps the mind heals long before the body. I see every illness as a threat. I have the flu, that’s all. But I feel helpless to defeat it. Thanks for listening to this rant. Amy